ZODIAC PERSONALITY: THE DARK SIDE

HORRORSCOPE ? 

Another Opinion of Personality Traits

ARIES March 21 - April 19
A  monster in disguise,  avoid crossing any Aries. In particular, avoid an angry Aries. Better yet, avoid an argumentative angry Aries; get away as soon as you can and cut your losses. They will not hesitate to  chase you, yell at you, and enjoy doing so. They may recruit thousand to harm you.  In a millisecond, Aries can transform from a fun supporter to a maniacal predator. These wackos are willing to die just to hurt you a little..

TAURUS April 20 - MAY 20
Do not be fooled by slow moving Taurus, these ruthless psychos have the endurance to quietly plan your demise creatively and patiently wait for your misstep, to crush you with a single devastating blow.  You can count on these types to silently  wait however long it takes, and then deliver enough humiliation to last a lifetime.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20
In the best of circumstances, Geminis are not to be trusted. Why can’t we feed Lithium to all Geminis since birth? The closer to you they get, the less chance you have to escape harm. They can’t really help turning on you, besides, it is really your fault for having lowered your guard.  Do not consider being nice to these characters, you cannot tell which side of the bed they woke up on. It is that little Gemini dual personality problem.  Think of the proverbial scorpion and the frog tale: the comparison is not really fair to scorpions, and besides, it falls way short. Gemini make excellent salepeople and successful politicians: what else is there to say?

CANCER June 21 - July 22
They are not called Cancer for nothing, reader. There is a sector of the population reputed to have elevated Passive- Aggresiveness to a science, and they are called Cancers. You pity these souls and then, oops, you are dead. They  happily wear down your resistance while you forgot what provoked their unrelenting grudge in the first place.  Don’t try to reason with these crabs: they will listen to you but just cannot hear what you say.

LEO July 23 – August 22
When Leo decides to make you miserable, there is no room for mercy or hesitancy.  Plan to stay on their good side and keep monitoring their tolerance level; once the bullying starts building up, escape without notice. Leos do have a zest for life, just make sure it is not yours. If they are not specifically the subject of their hate, or if their hate has not passed the point of no return, you may actually return under their fold and continue as if no harm was done. Do return, but continue monitoring their anger management wave for the next crest. 


VIRGO Aug 23 – Sept 22
Mass murders need unsentimental planning and execution, they require detailed and prolonged analysis, they demand cold-hearted assessment in order to succeed. That’s a tailor made job opening for a Virgo. Fortunately, they are not self-motivated to pursue this agenda, someone else would have to hire them to do major damage. In the meantime, you are safe if you let Virgo organize the cabinets all day long, forever and ever.

LIBRA Sept 23 – Oct 22
A major part of Libra’s threat to society has to do with the effect they hold on potential psychos.  Libra are just like the terrible driver in the car ahead of you: they may not crash but they’ll make drivers crazy enough to pass them against traffic, or drive over the sidewalk, or run a traffic light. When Libra’s dramatic queens episodes run live,  sane people are driven to the edge of reason. Often Libra’s victims cannot maintain composture, and when you read about enormous violent incidents and wonder, Why? 

SCORPIO Oct 23 – Nov 21
Beware of wackos that make it their mission in life, to prevent positive missions in life. Scorpios seek revenge on you for no reason; no one has a clue of why these team is obsessed with making you suicidal. Scorpios have a great deal of talents and skills, yet for some mysterious reason, they fanatically task themselves to deliberately frustrating you and your family, your friends, your workplace. 

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 – Dec 21
These are fantastic people, beyond reproach, above scrutiny, trust-worthy, exemplar! That would be according to themselves, and everything indicates they actually do believe themselves.  You are well advised to avoid even hinting they are full of crap: their nice temperament will sour quickly, and soon you will be faced with pure uncontrollable rage.  These people make good drinking companions as long as you avoid any conflictive subject, don’t take them seriously, and you pick up the bill.   

CAPRICORN Dec 22 – Jan 19
These types are great teammates, in fact, you certainly don’t want them in the other team because they do not play clean. As long as  you understand that you can be stabbed in the back anytime, you are fine. Do not take it personal if you fall victim of their machinations, it is not their fault you get in the way of their ambition. As long as everyone is on the same page, you are in for a fun ride.  When your paths separate, check your pockets and remove your vest.

AQUARIUS Jan 20 – Feb 18
No one understand these guys’ jokes, but that has not prevented most people of hating them anyway. It does seem they have good intentions and mean well for all of us, but they don’t hang around long enough to be sure. They seem smart too, and apparently are serious folks, but it is so hard to know what to make of them, with their mood swings. It does seem that their whole life is spend hiding something or other.     


PISCES Feb19 – March 20
Ok, dreamers, wake up and smell the coffee, get off cloud nine, come back to reality. Please do not wait til the second coming. There is a whole mankind willing to let you join, if only you show willingness to ground yourself. Pisces don’t seem to a danger to society, just to themselves. But it seems they do not accept the imminent danger they cause themselves, whereas Pisces  lies to Pisces but Pisces believe Pisces, consequently hurting Pisces exclusively. Only Pisces seems to fall for this crap, everybody else just pretends and acts along. There is no escaping this world alive.

..... for entertainment purposes only .....